I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
