Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
