she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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