This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
