i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
vagina is talking i cant
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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