She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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