Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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