with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
only you would photoshop your dick
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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