Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
