there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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