did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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