Porn is love you can see.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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