@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
