You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
