He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
