Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
