Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
