I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
