I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
