My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
