There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
