you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
