In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
