I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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