u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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