people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
