sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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