ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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