So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
