I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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