I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
