Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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