I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize