Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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