so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
