At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So much rum. So many feels.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
