One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize