i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
