Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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