Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
