Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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