U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
