Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He did a backflip because drugs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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