i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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