i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You can't special order awesome
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is the high leading the old right now
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize