how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
