just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
