Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
