we have officially lost it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Please don't give away my fajitas
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
