my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
