My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
