My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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