Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
