Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
