I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
