I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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