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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  that makes sense.

  Fav 16 7687 1126

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• (806): View more from Texas

  pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?

  Fav 22 3254 1266

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• (213): View more from California

  How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.

  Fav 15 4035 1134

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.

  Fav 8 2563 1469

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• (813): View more from Florida

  The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.

  Fav 6 1897 1121

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• (209): View more from California

  I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?

  Fav 10 828 1533

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.

  Fav 1 978 549

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.

  Fav 5 441 124

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless

  Fav 4 37 80

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.

  Fav 0 51 11

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