Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
