it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
