I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
