There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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