That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
