i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
