I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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