Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
