It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
