Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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