he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
