then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
