her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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